


Nothing But a Memory

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Break Up, F/F, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 05:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12764070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Song is Out Loud by Gabbie Hanna.Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Nothing But a Memory

I still taste your presence, once sweet, but it turned sour

On this shitty, rainy Sunday morning, I sat in my apartment and stared out the window wondering where it all went wrong. Despite the coffee in my hand and the bitterness of its essence still on my lips, the overwhelming taste was of her. The beginning of our relationship, sugary and comforting turning to chemicals with taste after taste until it was no longer palatable. Sometimes wanting a thing to work doesn’t make it true. All I’d wanted was Emily - to be with her, love her, trace my lips over her skin - but we passed each other too often, rarely in the same room, and we just couldn’t make it work.

I hear you in the quiet, I see you when I’m in the dark

Before her, I had no problem being by myself. I even cherished my alone time, occasionally of course. I was comfortable. I had things that made me happy. Basically, my free time was filled with other things - my mind wasn’t left to wander. Now when I was alone, including in this very moment, my mind filled with thoughts of her. Her voice emerged from the silence and her face peeked out from behind shadows.

‘Cause every sweet thing you never speak  
It’s deafening, never knowing what could be  
Wish I could show you how  
But you’re just a ghost now

Even in the course of my daily routine, running mindless errands like grocery shopping, heading to the mechanic and going to work, my mind would race. Amidst the noise, the din of the crowd around me, I would picture her whispering sweet nothings into my ear. At first, they’d make me happy, remembering how happy we were, and sure I could maintain those memories, but I was a wanderer, in body and in mind. My mind wandered to all the things she could have said had we made it. 

When I picked up the laundry detergent in aisle 12, I heard her tell me how beautiful I was as I carried our child. Dropping off the car at the mechanic’s place brought a vision of her in a stark white pantsuit on our wedding day. She was never the dress person, not the frilly, lacey kind; a pantsuit would’ve suited her well. But the dress, the suit, the children - all holograms disappearing and reappearing at will, teasing me with what might have been.

Your laughter haunts me like a ringing in my ear  
You left me long ago, you’re still everywhere  
I reach out for you, I’m desperate for your warmth  
Can you tell me where we went wrong?  
At least tell me just to move on

Back home, I saw her face overtaken by a fit of giggles after a date. After every date really; she said I had this uncanny ability to make her laugh. We’d tumble in, coats clung tightly to our bodies yet still seeking warmth. I could still feel her arms as they wrapped around me, but I shivered in the open air of the apartment. 

Even the softness of the crocheted blanket did nothing to stave off the cold as I sunk into the couch. I craved for a touch that would never come. It had been nearly a year since we’d parted ways. Nearly a year of me trying to figure out where it all went wrong and yet I couldn’t truly figure it out - not really. Moving on seemed an impossibility.

It’s time to let it go, you left me all alone  
I wanna feel your heartbeat  
But it doesn’t beat for me no more, no  
It’s time to let it go, you left me all alone  
It’s holding me down, it’s burning me out  
I’m begging for sound, but I can’t bring you back now

Tonight was the same as every night for weeks now. My head hits the pillow and I vow to myself that I’m going to let her go. It needs to be done. For my own sake, it needs to be done. With my head against the pillow, I can hear my heartbeat ringing in my ears and it sounds like hers. So many times before, I’d fallen asleep in this exact spot, my head against her chest, her heartbeat lulling me to sleep. Now her heart beat for someone else.

This night would be different than the others. When I close my eyes tonight, the visions of us will fade away into memory. No longer will I hear her heartbeat. No longer will I taste her essence on my lips. No longer will her laugh ring out in the emptiness of my apartment.

You’re just a ghost now  
It’s time to let it go

For my own sake, Emily has to become a distant memory, no matter how much the thought breaks my heart.


End file.
